tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88819688248735503002024-03-05T17:19:01.504+10:30Life Coaching for MothersEmpowering Mothers and Children onlineAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16208321380682600396noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8881968824873550300.post-73510943702023579252016-03-07T21:05:00.002+10:302016-03-07T21:05:43.420+10:30Parenting tips for kids with Asperger's, from someone who lived it<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivUzhkLqc0D69ABm395-zi9qLtyuQ1Up1IKgAGDd0zE4aYZmcRhda0N7RsUkRedje5jGEkrGsKlzfEHNiwqJc5VEKL4QL32bJfmjtW3TRH-fcS6M1Toq2gpqR8Xl3vNBweS6T4o1GHehb6/s1600/2016-03-07+16.39.52.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="156" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivUzhkLqc0D69ABm395-zi9qLtyuQ1Up1IKgAGDd0zE4aYZmcRhda0N7RsUkRedje5jGEkrGsKlzfEHNiwqJc5VEKL4QL32bJfmjtW3TRH-fcS6M1Toq2gpqR8Xl3vNBweS6T4o1GHehb6/s200/2016-03-07+16.39.52.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">“<em>Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid</em>.” ― Albert Einstein</span></b><br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></b>
<b style="font-weight: normal;">
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I have aspergers. I usually don't tell others that I have it because it is very misunderstood and I don't want to be judged. But now I want to set the record straight about aspergers, and remove misconceptions. Aspergers kids are not disabled, they are just different. They are normal like everyone else on the inside, but get lost in translation. Especially for those who are more autistic and can't speak at all, it is very lonely. They are like everyone else but can't communicate. Some of them have been helped by using a keyboard to type words. Aspergers is a less severe form of autism. Aspie's can speak but get confused about what to say or how to say it. They also struggle with body language. Normal kids do this stuff naturally, but Aspie kids don't. Thankfully these are things that can be learned. By my age, I've learnt enough that most people wouldn't notice I have Aspergers. When I was a little girl I couldn't speak to someone I didn't know. I would open my mouth to say hello and no sound came out. So I'm telling you this to let you know it does get better. Aspergers kids usually grow up to live a normal adult life.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Having asperger's as a female is somewhat different than for males. Girls and women with aspergers commonly go undiagnosed because they are more likely to socialise better than boys do.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I want to help children with asperger's by helping their parents understand them.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Aspergers is a high-functioning version of autism that affects about 1 in 50 people. The rates have risen from 1 in 88 reported in 2008. One of my theories for this is that aspergers hasn't increased, just the diagnoses of it has. I also have another theory that it may be increasing because the world needs more aspergers people. ;) Then theres the possibility that vaccines may have contributed to it, but I wont get into that here.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">How do you know if your child has aspergers?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Aspergers kids are less competent with social skills than other kids. The brain function that is for communication (for turning thoughts into words or comprehending what someone else is saying) doesn't function like "normal" people. They may be very shy because of this. For them it is like being in a foreign country and learning a new language.They didn't pick it up naturally like normal kids, but they can learn.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">They may show no facial expression or body language and fail to pick up other people's expression or body language.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">They are likely to have 1 or 2 really good friends (or no friends) rather than many acquaintances.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">They think very deeply and may ask you deep questions or give very thoughtful observations about things.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">They are often really interested or even obsessed about a particular subject, especially the boys. They may spend countless hours on their subject of interest and may talk about it non-stop.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">They may talk in a strange way or say or do things that are socially inappropriate. They come across as weird or eccentric sometimes.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Their intelligence ranges from average to genius. They may excel at subjects that interest them. Their unique way of thinking makes them capable of working out creative solutions for things. They may see patterns everywhere. They think outside the box.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">They have heightened sensitivities and thus don't like loud noises, scratchy clothes or overly stimulating environments. They may be very fussy about things like foods, or anything really!</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">They are often introverted, they would rather be with 1 or 2 good friends and avoid parties. They find small talk meaningless and would rather have purposeful conversations.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">In some cases they are mute, or just will not speak except in certain situations. I was like that as a kid. Sometimes it was because I didn't know what to say. Sometimes I was scared of saying the wrong thing. Sometimes I physically could not speak, like I would try to say something and the words would not come out. Don't worry if they are not talking yet, they will, just later than normal kids.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">They may do this thing called "stimming" which is where they do some kind of repetitive movement which comforts them, like rocking back and forth or clapping their hands etc. It is actually something they do for comfort, or simply because they like it. They like patterns or order in things and so the repetition is comforting or enjoyable to them. This can be less obvious in girls and much less obvious by the time they are adults, because girls are often more self conscious.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">They may have OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). They may be extremely tidy and organised to a ridiculous degree like everything has to be lined up parallel on their desk or placed just how they like it. They may feel like they need to check things multiple times.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">They are deeply emotional, whether it's overly ecstatic, or deeply depressed, or anxious. But they might not communicate how they feel, they might keep it inside or act out. They don't express how they feel with body language or facial expressions like normal people.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Have a good sense of humor, but often for totally different things than what others find funny. They may not "get" your jokes and you might not "get" theirs!</span></div>
<br /><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Common misconceptions:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">They are sometimes seen as stupid or disabled because they have trouble talking. Obviously they have good intelligence, just trouble with communicating.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">They are sometimes seen as rude, arrogant or uncaring by the way they talk. They really don't mean to be rude. They just have no tact because of their communication issues, and lack skills with small talk. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">They are seen as having no empathy or feelings. This one really offends me, I have even seen some psychologists saying this. They absolutely do have empathy and very deep feelings. It just doesn't seem so to some people. One reason is because they have trouble expressing their emotions, they do not show any body language unless they have learned to. It is a skill they can learn, but doesn't come naturally. The other reason is because they are not always aware of what is going on around them. They are often in their own little world in their mind and don't see what is happening. When I was a kid I didn't know when it's appropriate to smile or say certain things, it didn't come naturally at all. Like I didn't know someone was talking to me if they didn't say my name. But I chose to consciously make an effort to learn these things for my survival. I still have a ways to go but I have come a long way. Your aspergers child can learn too.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">They are thought of as loners and not liking people. Obviously not true! Most really want to talk and have friends but are either shy because of not knowing what to say, or they just really need time and space to themselves sometimes to recover from sensory overload. They do like having friends and need friendship and belonging.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">It has been called a disease or mental illness that needs to be cured, and I don't believe this is true either. While they may be socially challenged, they have talents and abilities that others don't as well. They are just different. They think, talk and act different. We are all different, there are no 2 people the same in this world, and that is what makes us interesting. We all have different strengths, gifts and weaknesses. Think of all the famous successful people that have aspergers, would we really want to cure them? I, for one, am grateful that I have aspergers, I like who I am, and I can't imagine being anyone else. Statistically most kids that have aspergers grow up to lead normal lives as adults. The social skills while not coming naturally to them, can be learned, so they are just late learners socially.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Aspergers is said to be caused by vaccinations. This is just my humble opinion, but I don't buy this one. As I have said I don't think it is an illness anyway. I do however believe that the kids that already have aspergers get much worse after getting their shots because they are super sensitive to the toxic ingredients in them. So while I don't think vaccines cause it, I think they make the bad side of it worse. Remember that aspie kids have heightened sensitivity and avoid chemicals. This gets better also as they grow up. I know my sensitivities are much better and my tolerance for things as well as I've learned how to cope.</span></div>
<br /><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Tips for Parents of Aspergers kids:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">First off I want to say congrats for having an aspergers child! They may be hard to understand, they may be challenging at times, but they are so special. They are not disabled. They are just different! They may become very successful one day, so don't be sorry for them for 1 minute. There are some famous amazing people who are believed to have aspergers, including: Albert Einstein, Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, Susan Boyle, Marylin Monroe, Beethoven, Vincent Van Gogh, Jim Henson, Isaac Asimov, Bill Gates to name a few. With their creative thinking, aspergers kids have the potential to become presidents, scientists, artists or eccentric millionaires! Please believe in your child and nurture their interests and talents. So please accept them and love them as they are, and make sure they know it. It is common for aspergers kids to develop low self-esteem because of ignorant people who put them out or exclude them for being different.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Stimming: Let them do it unless it is overly annoying for other people. If for example they are yelling or being a nuisance to others, try to redirect them to other ways of "stimming". Work on it when you are at home in a safe place as practice before you take them out. If you are out and ignorant people are judging you, please don't worry about them. Be confident for your child's sake. Show them how to be confident in themselves and not be concerned about what others think of them. They really need this from you.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Keeping them healthy physically will help alot with their behavior. They are highly sensitive, so avoid anything toxic in their food and their skincare/bathroom products. Give them fresh, "living" food like fruit, vegetables and unprocessed raw food often. You could also get them allergy tested to find out what they are reacting to.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Be patient. Gradually exposing them to situations that stress them out, while building up their confidence will build their tolerance. Be patient with their speech. Make it ok for them not to speak. This helps them to feel comfortable, which helps them to speak better anyway. Under stress it is harder for them to speak.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Teach them about facial expressions. Teach about what to say or how to behave in certain situations. Start off simple, for expample: When you meet someone, you smile, you say "Hi, nice to meet you, my name is...." As a teenager I read a great book called "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. It helped me so much. I learned about smiling and being interested in other people. Your child can learn all these things. But be patient, they will learn social skills later than other kids. They will probably be happy with just having a couple of good friends rather than many friends and that's ok.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Build up their confidence. Teach them it's ok to be different. Tell them how special they are. Bully-proof them in case they are teased about being different.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Don't define them by their aspergers. They are an individual with a unique personality. Dont assume they wont be able to do things. Always give them the opportunity and treat them like they are a normal person. Like all kids they want to feel like they belong.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Try to see the world through their eyes. They do get sensory overload and it overwhelms them sometimes. They may act up when they are overwhelmed and this isn't them being naughty on purpose, this is just them expressing their pain. So be patient, and gently teach them appropriate ways of managing their pain while not expecting them to endure too much.</span></div>
<br /><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">How to cope with other people's judgements:</span></div>
<br /><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Be straight up with people and educate them if they are open to it. Otherwise, ignore them. The most important thing is not what others think, but what your child needs. I learned as a parent that when you can't force people to treat your kids right, it can actually be a good opportunity to teach your children how to cope. It's hard, I know, you want to protect them. It's not fair, but it happens. So strengthen your child, make sure he/she knows how important they are. Make sure they know why other people say mean things, eg. they are sick (mentally). Let your child know it's not their fault, some people are just like that and it's not our fault. We are ok. It's a good lesson to help your child cope for times when you aren't there.</span></div>
<br /><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Want to learn more about Aspergers?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">There is a lot of info on the internet, but a lot of misinformation as well. I recommend hearing from people who have lived it. People like "Temple Grandin", she is a woman with asperger's who grew up to be a university professor. She has written books about it and there is also a movie about her. </span></div>
<br /><br /><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Please comment below if you have anything to add or any questions... :)</span></div>
</b>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16208321380682600396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8881968824873550300.post-8094443161000018932014-05-26T12:10:00.003+09:302016-03-07T16:07:16.678+10:30What is Your Child's Personality type?<span style="font-size: x-large;">What is Your Child's Personality type?</span><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<div>
I recently reminded of the personality types by a good friend and it really opened my eyes to discover what type my children are, why they behave the way they do and how I can motivate them as well. If you have more than one child you may have noticed that things that work with one of them don't work with the other one. Even if you have raised them the same, they have different personalities.</div>
<div>
There are 4 main personality types. All of us exhibit 1 of these or a combination of them. The 4 personalities or temperaments were originally written about by Hippocrates in ancient Greece and there has been a lot of study on them since. There is a wealth of information, books and even online tests on the personalities if you want to study further. This article will give you a brief breakdown of the personalities. Knowing which personality your child is will greatly help you to understand why they behave the way they do, and what motivates them. </div>
<div>
Most of us have a dominant type and may also show signs of 1 or 2 of the other ones. I have 4 children, and it turns out I have been blessed with each one being dominant in each personality type! So here they are:</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Sanguine (Influencing)</span></b></div>
<div>
Element: Air</div>
<div>
Season: Spring</div>
<div>
Color: Yellow</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sanguine children are very social. They are usually happy, light-hearted and bring joy and entertainment wherever they go. They love being the center of attention, showing off and they are the life of the party. They are imaginative, creative, free spirits. They love being around other people, are very social, animated and charismatic. They are very spontaneous and easily distracted. They'll often flit around like a butterfly from one activity to another leaving a big mess in their wake! They don't like being tied down and hate being alone or ignored. They crave and sometimes demand attention and love showing off.</div>
<div>
When they grow up they are good at things that involve leading, motivating others like sales, entertainment, or anything that involves being around people.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGUN8thLZOaWWRaZezzE9zM181O1Nx8zdwGdcelZ9S14y234mb0RSRXDddk3lf7e_4PMYoExLL1W1r-YyK17cRlskWmatzT-h-q92ZIYzirdTbD3Fjo_7ReVSz67eyBR2uKOdyl7EjMNLs/s1600/Siena.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGUN8thLZOaWWRaZezzE9zM181O1Nx8zdwGdcelZ9S14y234mb0RSRXDddk3lf7e_4PMYoExLL1W1r-YyK17cRlskWmatzT-h-q92ZIYzirdTbD3Fjo_7ReVSz67eyBR2uKOdyl7EjMNLs/s1600/Siena.jpg" width="141" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My little princess, Siena!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
My 5 yr old sanguine daughter, Siena, is the light of my life! She is a delight to be around. Being my fourth baby, when I was pregnant with her I was dreading having yet another unplanned baby with all the exhaustion they bring. But she was the most easy, joyful baby, and I'm so glad I had her and couldn't imagine life without her! She adores playing with her daddy (also a sanguine). She does get tiring sometimes as she demands a lot of attention, but I have figured out how to deal with this...<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>How to motivate a Sanguine:</b></div>
<div>
Sanguines love anything fun and crave attention. So make it fun and give them plenty of attention when they are doing the right thing. Get really excited for them doing things right, cheer them on. Make chores into a game. If you are too busy to give them attention right then, you could make a deal with them like if they do (whatever it is you need them to do), then you will play with them after, or have one of their friends over to play. Reward them with a song and dance and hi-5's! They don't like being alone so be there for them when they need help and help them with gaining friendships and organise play-dates for them so it's not all on you. It's also important to help them with being ok on their own so they are not so dependent. You can do that by praising them for playing happily by themselves. One way my Siena copes when playing on her own is by playing with her imaginary friends!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Choleric (Dominating)</span></b></div>
<div>
Element: Fire</div>
<div>
Season: Summer</div>
<div>
Color: Red</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
A choleric child is very independent and strong-willed. They are often seen as difficult because they will fight back if they don't agree with something. They have a strong sense of justice and will speak up about things they believe to be right or wrong. They may be bossy know-it-alls or competitive with other children.</div>
<div>
Their strengths are being responsible, trustworthy and being a good leader. If they agree with what you are telling them to do, you can absolutely rely on them to do it, every time, often without being asked. If they are forced to things they don't want to do without explanation, they will either fight back or do it very grudgingly.</div>
<div>
They can grow up to be great leaders. They can direct and manage people and projects well with their ability to prioritise, delegate and get things done. They are hard workers.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-vVFGNUZUWGVBwr_W6HSNEZYLfObTE3RBueEpu1oT8Csu13e06tXci2j96T_q5JK57lp8b7lciEDGvpEhMrLaI4sD169U0Gll1FfQbrg7AAalYADpyYYLVACKMpR6OxSftxlcFAqA5Jt-/s1600/aaliyah8yrs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-vVFGNUZUWGVBwr_W6HSNEZYLfObTE3RBueEpu1oT8Csu13e06tXci2j96T_q5JK57lp8b7lciEDGvpEhMrLaI4sD169U0Gll1FfQbrg7AAalYADpyYYLVACKMpR6OxSftxlcFAqA5Jt-/s1600/aaliyah8yrs.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My beautiful daughter, Aaliyah</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
My 9 yr old daughter, Aaliyah, is very reliable. She's reasonable when I sit down and explain things to her, but she is the only one of my children that will sometimes refuse to do what I tell her. "Because I said so" does not work with her! This sometimes frustrates me, but it's a good challenge for me as she keeps me on my toes. I have to take the time to communicate with my children properly and she reminds me of that. She is also the most reliable of my children to take care of her responsibilities and the most thoughtful. She is the one that makes me breakfast in bed on Mothers day, because she believes it's the right thing to do.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>How to motivate a Choleric:</b></div>
<div>
Authoritative parenting doesn't go down well with this child. They are well aware of their right to have free will and will fight for it. Telling them why they must do something goes a long way. If they agree with you its no problem. A good strategy is to allow them to make choices within your rules. For example: Instead of saying "put your jumper on now", you could say "you can choose your red jumper or your blue jumper." This gives them a sense of control, while still getting them to do what you want.</div>
<div>
They also thrive on honor. Give them credit for what they do right. They love it when you are proud of them and let them know. They love being "in charge", so make them the queen/king of something, like keeping their room tidy and commend them when they do. You could even give them a badge or star or trophy of some kind. Always let them know how proud you are of them for the things they do right.</div>
<div>
It is important to teach your choleric child moral values like treating other people with kindness and respect, and things like agreeing to disagree sometimes and conflict resolution. These kids have powerful personalities. It's up to us to guide them in directing their power in a good way.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Phlegmatic (Steadiness)</b></span></div>
<div>
Element: Water</div>
<div>
Season: Winter</div>
<div>
Color: Gray</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Phlegmatic children are very content, easy going and people pleasers. They are a pleasure to be around. They may be shy and sensitive and may prefer to stay on the sidelines observing rather then being in the action. They are easy going and can be push-overs.They thrive on peace, acceptance, belonging and feeling appreciated and valued. They don't fight with other kids unless they are pushed too far. They are stubborn sometimes and will fight to defend the things they value most. They don't like being pushed around but will do things they don't want to, to keep the peace.</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFrMQJeLaLcwZcbqaV_ZBKcbf9ieR6v1c_ODQElDD_Tslg6kv1kZhiORpr_BRJ7Eo_SLNaRMpT9F43oT5KRcb0TrOsRJQauAhjGGG9VBjwsKqBjzHBrhp968_Bkz81KWR3yv0sxo_cdQou/s1600/Kapa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFrMQJeLaLcwZcbqaV_ZBKcbf9ieR6v1c_ODQElDD_Tslg6kv1kZhiORpr_BRJ7Eo_SLNaRMpT9F43oT5KRcb0TrOsRJQauAhjGGG9VBjwsKqBjzHBrhp968_Bkz81KWR3yv0sxo_cdQou/s1600/Kapa.jpg" width="198" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kapa, my sweet phlegmatic boy!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
They grow up to be good at anything really that doesn't clash with their peace and calm. They may be unmotivated however which some may see as laziness, so encourage them to do the things they love and build up their confidence.</div>
<div>
My 7 yr old son, Kapa, is phlegmatic and he is really good with things like sport and art because he's really patient and careful. He will give things a good try where my other children give up too quickly. I once showed my kids how to build a house out of playing cards. My other 3 kids gave up after 5 minutes. Kapa built a whole house, it took him an hour! Kapa is best friends with Siena (my sanguine girl) because they both have easy-going natures. He is a kind, caring, sweet boy and is always happy to help out others.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>How to motivate a Phlegmatic:</b></div>
<div>
They are natural people pleasers so just need to be told with respect what you would like them to do and they are usually happy to do it. The only time they wont is if they are tired or they are being stubborn for some reason. You can get around the stubbornness by having a respectful conversation with them about why they don't want to do it and telling them why they should do it, once they understand they are usually happy to do it. It is important to nurture this child's confidence as they may end up victims of abuse later in life due to their submissive nature. It is also important to nurture the things they love doing and encourage them because they could lose motivation or confidence from trying to please others too much or taking the easy path.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Melancholy (Perfectionist)</span></b></div>
<div>
Element: Earth</div>
<div>
Season: Autumn</div>
<div>
Color: Blue</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The Melancholy child is thoughtful, creative, sensitive, emotional and organised. They can be a fussy perfectionist and get upset when things aren't perfect. They are indecisive and prefer to carefully plan out things than jumping in. Their attention to detail makes them good at anything that requires careful attention, creative things and logical things. They thrive on a routine because they love to be organised, and like to know what is going to happen next.</div>
<div>
They have potential to grow up to be inventors or highly skilled professionals or artists in whatever they are interested in because they have creativity, perseverance and high attention to details.</div>
<div>
My 11 yr old son, Arana, is a perfect melancholy. He loves science, experiments, and technology. He loves pulling apart electronic things to fix them and helps me with computer stuff that I cant figure out. He's really fussy and goes nuts when my other kids go near his stuff in case they mess it up! He's quite emotional and clashes with my choleric daughter, Aaliyah. His mood swings go from being very intolerant to very sweet and loving. He is the one I can have really intelligent conversations with which I really cherish (being a melancholy myself). He asks all the questions like: How does everything work? and Why is the sky blue? He is curious about everything!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>How to motivate a Melancholy:</b></div>
<div>
They get upset when plans are changed and do better by giving them a routine and letting them know in advance what is happening so they know what to expect. Allow them space and quiet time when they need it as too much stimulation is overwhelming. They thrive on love, kindness, support, belonging, acceptance and nurturing of their talents and gifts.</div>
<div>
Motivate them by finding out what they want the most (eg. for my son it's time on the playstation) and allowing them to have it after they have done their chores or behaved well. Help them manage their emotions with coping strategies and acceptable ways of calming themselves. For example when they are angry, instead of breaking things, they could jump up and down or yell into their pillow or have a cry. Crying helps them let out their stress in a healthy way. Encourage them to pursue their passions, whatever they are, they could be very successful. Build up their confidence. When they get older they may need help to prioritise, manage and monetise their gifts, as they can get lost in their passion and lose direction.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Here is a You tube video Arana made of an easy way to put on a tie (he came up with this himself!):</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxxOoPrbuI8WSz-ggTNB2X6n1QksmKLC7tpyfJ9RmpblnefzKWS34lPT0oIOUFC-xPobKjiuwpiYW9fWS-RgQ' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Please comment below, what kind of personality/personalities are your child? Remember they may be dominant in one or they may be a blend like choleric/sanguine or sanguine/phlegmatic etc and their personalities may also change over time. What do you like/dislike about their personality and how do you manage them?<br />
<br />
Further Resources:<br />
Myers Briggs personality types: <a href="http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/">http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/</a><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Nurse Rona's Radio Show on temperament: </span><a href="http://www.linkedin.com/redirect?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Enurserona%2Ecom%2Fdiscipline-through-the-lens-of-temperament%2F&urlhash=ypIp&_t=tracking_disc" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #006699; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="blank">http://www.nurserona.com/discipline-through-the-lens-of-temperament/</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"> </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Nurse Rona's Article on temperament: </span><a href="http://www.linkedin.com/redirect?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Enurserona%2Ecom%2Fpdfs%2F84-temperament%2Epdf&urlhash=Z23_&_t=tracking_disc" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #006699; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="blank">http://www.nurserona.com/pdfs/84-temperament.pdf</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"> </span><br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=qf_sp_asin_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=wwwlifecoac06-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=1608829073&asins=1608829073&linkId=35RVKJLEEH4OXHGO&show_border=true&link_opens_in_new_window=true" style="height: 240px; width: 120px;">
</iframe> Nurse Rona's wonderful book I am currently reading with more info on the temperaments and also really good down to earth info on managing your anger. :)<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=qf_sp_asin_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=wwwlifecoac06-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=0060739665&asins=0060739665&linkId=OSBIGVIZALCI5CVJ&show_border=true&link_opens_in_new_window=true" style="height: 240px; width: 120px;">
</iframe> I haven't read this one yet, but many people I know have recommended it on raising a spirited child. :)<br />
<br /></div>
</div>
<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=qf_sp_asin_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=wwwlifecoac06-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=0977486001&asins=0977486001&linkId=MNVGW3YGBNT52N4D&show_border=true&link_opens_in_new_window=true" style="height: 240px; width: 120px;">
</iframe> The Davinci Method is a good one to read if your child has ADHD. This book made me think. ADHD is not a bad thing, just a different way of thinking. :)<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16208321380682600396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8881968824873550300.post-82644729696714917892014-05-22T13:51:00.000+09:302016-03-07T14:11:13.347+10:30How Mothers can change Stress and Depression into Peace and Joy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-_hM3FnEF2sbOeeFfr1PbuWwBsPBJr5V0g2oQYUrxA_lAWxacWfBj0GybnS8ygRf6Hql905SuNwxJBfhRhOj0zG04V6l-UrTr44EdeHRLcnvAZoHIHzZQ-WeYdE4MmEfgdSeWMblpxmtV/s1600/We-dont-see-things-as.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-_hM3FnEF2sbOeeFfr1PbuWwBsPBJr5V0g2oQYUrxA_lAWxacWfBj0GybnS8ygRf6Hql905SuNwxJBfhRhOj0zG04V6l-UrTr44EdeHRLcnvAZoHIHzZQ-WeYdE4MmEfgdSeWMblpxmtV/s1600/We-dont-see-things-as.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Being a mother is hard. I have four children, close in age, and I experienced what many mothers do: stress, depression and overwhelm. Being a mother stretches you to your very limits and there is a blessing in this: It will make you grow.<br />
<br />
I know there are times and situations where its totally normal and ok to feel these emotions. But if you are feeling this way too much or for most of the time and want to feel better, then read on.<br />
<br />
<br />
The Effects of your emotions on your Children:<br />
<br />
I knew my negative emotions were making me sick, exhausted and were making my children unhappy as well. Have you ever noticed how just when you are upset and need a break, this is exactly when your children will misbehave the most? Have you also noticed that when you are in this state, you cannot communicate with them effectively? There is a reason for this: Your children mirror you, they react to your emotions. It's not their fault. You need to deal with your emotions first, then when you are in a good state of mind, dealing with your children is so much easier.<br />
<br />
You can manage these emotions, once you know how. You can totally enjoy your motherhood experience, it is all a matter of your perspective...<br />
<br />
<br />
We can choose how we feel.<br />
<br />
If you were raised like me, you learned that things outside of you (like people, situations) make you feel angry, sad, or happy and that you have no control over how you feel. But this is not completely true. Have you ever observed two different people react differently to same situation? When something bad happens, one person may fall apart with grief or get angry and overreact, while another person may laugh about it carry on like everything's ok. It's not just the situation that made them feel that way. It is their core beliefs and habits. I know that being a mother is very hard at times, and it is physically exhausting. But we can choose how we feel at our core by discarding dis-empowering beliefs and habits and choosing empowering beliefs and habits. Have you ever felt exhausted but still fulfilled and happy? It's possible. You can choose how you feel. It will empower you and change everything for you.<br />
<br />
<br />
It is not your fault.<br />
<br />
Stress and depression come from fears and negative belief patterns. You never chose to be this way, it just happened because you didn't know any better. Most of our negative beliefs were formed when we were children. We may have learned them from our parents who also didn't know any better and were doing the best they could. So don't waste any more time feeling guilty. Instead, work towards making things better. I'm going to help you. :)<br />
<br />
When you are empowered at your core and have good habits in place to deal with stressful situations you can deal with the situation calmly without it sending you into anger or depression. You will be able to relax and enjoy your children. You will have more strength to cope. You will be able to think more clearly. The creative side of your brain cannot function when you are stressed. You need to be able to think creatively as a mother, to deal with all the situations that come up throughout the day. You will be able to relax and connect with your children.<br />
<br />
<br />
Choose to Think Consciously<br />
<br />
When you realise these truths and become consciously aware of them, you can now make a choice: to learn and grow into new empowering beliefs and habits. It is hard initially making those changes, but so much easier than not making them.<br />
<br />
Here is a simple easy method to consciously change your beliefs that you can start with today:<br />
<br />
<br />
Changing your thoughts from Negative to Positive:<br />
<br />
Step 1: Write down the top 5-10 negative thoughts that are on your mind, or the problems that are weighing you down, for example:<br />
"my child should know better", "This shouldn't be happening to me", “I can't cope”, “it's just too hard”, “my spouse/relative/friends aren't supporting me”, “I’m not a good mother”, etc.<br />
Be really honest with yourself, don’t worry about anybody reading it, you can burn it after-wards if you like!<br />
<br />
Step 2: Examine each one, one at a time, and ask yourself, is the statement true? Really think carefully about this one. We often make assumptions quickly about things by habit, or believe whatever our parents or society or our experience has taught us, without really thinking about it. Now is the time to challenge that. If it’s negative, and it’s not helping you, you can choose to change it.<br />
<br />
Step 3: Get another piece of paper. Write down positive belief statements that will cancel out each one of the negative beliefs. For example, if you wrote, “I can't cope”, you could change it to “I am strong and will get through this”. Also write down any positive actions steps you can think of that will make that problem better. You need to decide now whether you can change the problem or change how you feel about the problem.<br />
<br />
Step 4: (Optional) Add to your list some more positive affirmations that you personally find empowering and uplifting. Here are some suggestions:<br />
<br />
I am strong, loved, beautiful and intelligent.<br />
I choose to feel peace and happiness<br />
My children are a blessing<br />
My children inspire me to live each moment to the fullest<br />
I am so grateful for....(fill in blank)<br />
I was successful when....(fill in blank) and I can do it again!<br />
I am a great woman and mother<br />
I choose to have a great day today<br />
Things always work out well.<br />
I deserve happiness<br />
I'm so happy that I have...<br />
I have fun playing with my children<br />
I choose to enjoy my life journey<br />
There is enough time<br />
I love eating yummy, healthy food.<br />
I am growing better and better each day<br />
All will be well, it is just a matter of time<br />
<br />
<br />
Step 5: Use these statements as daily affirmations. Read them every morning when you wake up, and every night before going to sleep (if possible) or whenever you are able to. Read them with feeling and emotion, believing what they say. It is a choice. So choose to believe. Beliefs are very powerful. A good example of the power of beliefs is the placebo effect. When people take placebos, they get better because they believe they will. It also works the other way: If they believe they will get sick, they get sick.<br />
<br />
When the negative thoughts pop up as you go about your day, try to consciously be aware of them and question them. Deny the ones you don't agree with. They will go away once you don't entertain them anymore.<br />
<br />
This exercise alone helped me so much with eliminating my negative emotions. I hope it helps you too. <3<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16208321380682600396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8881968824873550300.post-53702521759105626892014-01-31T12:35:00.001+10:302014-01-31T12:35:04.659+10:30You Deserve this Mama!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYnuFtCyqUB00agtUI4gHvUKceXpfPkZUmBgkKZGyCXABjwkQ_vl97xdwQ02V4Bcs24hZHiX9Ywdj_0XsRuaUswrK9TYGmF0Wl58Rzb1RFk6x4udJz4BP54Mf_INdNqSvaSRWSh0Y9Ijfg/s1600/sienaHeart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYnuFtCyqUB00agtUI4gHvUKceXpfPkZUmBgkKZGyCXABjwkQ_vl97xdwQ02V4Bcs24hZHiX9Ywdj_0XsRuaUswrK9TYGmF0Wl58Rzb1RFk6x4udJz4BP54Mf_INdNqSvaSRWSh0Y9Ijfg/s1600/sienaHeart.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></div>
<b><span style="font-size: large;">You Deserve This.</span></b><br />
<br />
<br />
Hello beautiful, amazing mothers. :)<br />
<br />
Are you feeling burned out? Are you rushing around doing everything, looking after your children, your family and leaving little or no time for looking after yourself? Are you getting overwhelmed, exhausted and stressed out? Is your health suffering?<br />
<br />
I'm here to tell you: You have permission to look after yourself, and you deserve it.<br />
<br />
You know you can't go on like this. You can't really care for your children well when you have reached your energy limits. So what is stopping you from looking after yourself?<br />
<br />
<b>Excuse no. 1</b>: "I don't want to be selfish, a good mother puts her children first."<br />
<br />
This is just not true. You are important too. Of course they do need us to care for them, but how can you care for them well if you are a tired stressed out mess? Look after yourself and you will be more energetic, joyful and your children will be better off. When our car isn't running well, we take it in for a service. Why don't we take care of our most important vehicle - our body? So don't feel guilty or selfish! You deserve and need to look after yourself, not just for you but for your family also. Your family need you to be your best self. When you are in an airplane, they tell you that in an emergency you need to put the oxygen mask on yourself first, and then your children. There's a good reason for this - If you don't, you will be unconscious and incapable of helping your child.<br />
<br />
<b>Excuse no. 2</b>: "I don't have time."<br />
<br />
We feel so busy and stressed, we think we don't have time to care for ourselves. But in reality, if we care for ourselves we will have more time because we will have more energy and a clearer mind, so we will be more efficient, organised and get things done faster.<br />
<br />
<b>Excuse no. 3</b>: "I'm too tired."<br />
<br />
If you look after yourself you will be less tired.<br />
<br />
<b>Excuse no. 4</b>: "I'm too busy looking after my kids and/or I don't have a babysitter"<br />
<br />
If you don't have a sitter, or cant afford one, you could try meeting other mothers who you can trade babysitting with. So you look after their kids one day and they look after yours another day. Its a win win win, for you, the other mother, and the children who will enjoy playing with the other kids. Even when you don't have anyone to look after them, you can still do things to look after yourself while the kids are at home.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Tips for Self-Care:</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Self care is nurturing yourself. Nurturing your body, mind and soul. When you take care of yourself you will feel naturally happy, energetic and at peace. When you don't take care of yourself you will feel stressed, depressed, frustrated, unsatisfied and burnt out. That's not good for you or your children.<br />
<br />
<b>Sleep well</b>:<br />
Getting enough sleep is part of looking after yourself. You need to work on getting your child to sleep through the night as soon as possible. It can be really hard initially, but the pay off is worth it. You will actually not need as much sleep if you eat well. Eating well increases your energy levels. Try eating a light dinner before bed rather than a heavy dinner, so your body will spend less energy on digesting and more energy repairing.<br />
<br />
<b>Eat well</b>:<br />
Include fruit and vegetables and drink plenty of water. Take supplements if you are struggling to get good food in your diet. Super-food's are a great as they are more natural than synthetic vitamins and your body can absorb them better. I like taking spirulina, it makes be feel good and more energetic.<br />
<br />
<b>Exercise</b>:<br />
I know you may feel like it's too hard, or like you're are too tired for exercise, and I get it. But if you give it a go, exercise will actually increase your energy levels if done right. Don't over-do it. Start off small. For example walking for 5 minutes, then next time 10 minutes, then jogging for 5 mins, then 10, you get the idea. Start small and work your way up gradually. Your kids can come with you, they have loads of energy, and if you have a baby, you can push them in the pram. Getting a friend to be an exercise partner can help too, to keep you motivated.<br />
<br />
<b>De-Stress</b>:<br />
Pamper yourself with whatever makes you feel good. It could be a relaxing bath, meditating, art, your favorite music, calling a good friend, getting a massage or facial, going for a walk at the beach. If you have your kids with you, try getting out of the house, go to the park, it helps change the mood.<br />
<br />
Please comment below: What do you love to do for self care?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16208321380682600396noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8881968824873550300.post-54235449029895572442013-05-12T16:47:00.002+09:302013-05-12T16:47:56.452+09:30Happy Mothers Day!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVu9KtWg6LAnfodBrxlrlkMWqkwvxLUiwhFI02oJzvJ9q1cAN-9LHYQxndBtipDWrWGOFrNtW3V3olKGXKoSdTfmMNDG4sv0oPs_Zixv9SQq61HK4csIJmu6wYqeEsh0BRN46mUPYcZYem/s1600/AmazingMotherPoem.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVu9KtWg6LAnfodBrxlrlkMWqkwvxLUiwhFI02oJzvJ9q1cAN-9LHYQxndBtipDWrWGOFrNtW3V3olKGXKoSdTfmMNDG4sv0oPs_Zixv9SQq61HK4csIJmu6wYqeEsh0BRN46mUPYcZYem/s640/AmazingMotherPoem.jpg" width="433" /></a></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16208321380682600396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8881968824873550300.post-25722069597636723842013-05-02T20:55:00.000+09:302016-03-07T14:06:35.637+10:30Keeping Positive when you're around Negativity<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjta2xKR8-1mtmcOQQT9iHg9YxO3B7nW2C0mZVHhXlmyb1HuJvXalfZ1O7arbV2Mbt8pKHcnj85TldTuSMcaZma_jWB1h7H1C-e0IK8cx85xCHVNOIs-HPH2jh4p-3u9lJbEA1aVJEbzl74/s1600/sand.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjta2xKR8-1mtmcOQQT9iHg9YxO3B7nW2C0mZVHhXlmyb1HuJvXalfZ1O7arbV2Mbt8pKHcnj85TldTuSMcaZma_jWB1h7H1C-e0IK8cx85xCHVNOIs-HPH2jh4p-3u9lJbEA1aVJEbzl74/s200/sand.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><b>Keeping
Positive when you're around Negativity</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Everything
is energy, including our thoughts and emotions. Emotions are
contagious. </span><b> </b>When you around someone and they are
stressed, our natural reaction may be to feel upset too. Sometimes
when you walk into a room, you can feel that the other person is
stressed. It means you have empathy which is normal.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">If you feel
upset by another person's words, it may be because of an insecurity
or fear in you. If you heal your insecurities and fears, then their
words will not affect you.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><i>Others
cannot destroy your inner peace, unless you let them.</i></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><b>Build
up your self-confidence.</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">With
enough self-confidence, other peoples negativity cant affect you, and
you might even influence the other person to be more positive. So,
be sure about who you are and your own beliefs and values. Take care
of yourself and value yourself. Being true to yourself is not selfish
or unloving. Be true to yourself <i>because</i> you love others.
By no longer enabling their behavior, they may learn to be
responsible for themselves. By being true to yourself, you are also
an encouragement to others to be true to <i>themselves</i>.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">You
can choose how you feel, and others cannot – unless you let them.
They will probably respect you more if you respect yourself. <span style="font-weight: normal;">It
is impossible to please everybody, so do what you believe is right.
</span>Here are some things you can do to strengthen your
self-confidence:</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">-
Do this each morning, and when you need to during the day:
Go into a quiet room or outside by yourself, close your eyes, and
take some slow, deep breaths. Say some positive affirmations such
as: I am strong, valuable and loved, No-one can define how I feel but
me, I choose to be positive, I choose to be happy, I choose to have a
great day. I am deserving of love and respect. I attract positive
people. If people try to pull me down, it is about them, not me, and I choose not to take it on.</span></div>
<div style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">-
Make a conscious decision to be positive even if you come across
negativity.</span><span style="font-weight: normal;"> When you do
come across negativity, you can stop and ask yourself: Is this
feeling my own stress or their stress? If it yours, you need to deal
with it, if it is theirs, you can decide not to take it on, or just
let it go. It doesn't mean you are uncaring. You can help the
person and be there for them without taking on their negativity
yourself.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><b>Don't
take it personally.</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><i>It
is more about them than it is about you.</i></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Understanding
<i>why</i> they are negative really helps. All people who are being
negative, are that way because they are afraid of something. <span style="font-weight: normal;">An
angry person may be afraid of losing control, or afraid of not being
understood. A critical person may have been hurt in the past and are
afraid of being hurt again. They may be stuck in negative beliefs.
Whatever the reason – the root cause of negativity is fear, every
time. This person really feels bad and is suffering with their
negativity. Think about what their intention may be. </span>What
are they trying to achieve? If their intention is good, that is a
common ground that you can focus on with them. If they feel you care
about the same intention as them, they may feel better.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><b>Tips
on talking with negative people:</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">You
may have to have a difficult conversation with the person to work
things out. Here are some tips to help you communicate with them:</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">-
Listen. You can help calm this person by offering understanding,
compassion and respect. You don’t have to agree with them, just
acknowledge their point of view. The best way to get this person to
listen to you is for you to listen to them first.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">-
Calmly and confidently tell them want you would like to achieve and
why. Tell the person how they can benefit from what you are
suggesting. Make it a win-win.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">-
Stick to the topic at hand. It could get very complicated if you or
the other person bring up unrelated issues or things from the past.
Stick to one topic and ask the other person to as well.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">-
Do not try to change the other person or force them to do what you
want or to agree with you. It is impossible to force another person
to change. They are free to choose what they will do, as are you.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">-
Using "I" statements will reduce their defensiveness. "I"
statements mean you own what you are saying and not accusing them of
anything. For example, instead of saying: "You are insulting
me", you could say: "I feel insulted when you say that".</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">-
U</span>nwanted advice and criticism: Some advice you can
appreciate, when it's given kindly and respectfully. Some is
insulting, ignorant or disrespectful. In these cases, you could say
something like: “thank you for your advice, I have considered what
you said, but have decided to do...xyz... because it is working well
for me.”</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">-
To avoid being bullied, the best thing to do is not get upset or give
in to their demands. They want you to be upset, if you get upset,
they think they won. Don’t play their game. When they figure out it isn't
working, they will move on.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: small;">“<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><i>The evil-doer is insulting himself by trying to insult you.”</i>
~ Buddha</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">-
The “JADE” Technique:</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Use
the Jade technique, to avoid getting into an argument.</span> If
someone is saying things that are untrue, disrespectful or insulting,
don’t JADE:<span style="font-weight: normal;"> J = Justify A = Argue
D = Defend E = Explain. If you “Jade”, you are allowing them to
continue harassing you, and you may get into a pointless argument
that goes nowhere. Just say “no” and walk way.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">“<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><i>Do
not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be
just like him”~ Prov 26:4</i></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><b>Conclusion</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">I
hope these tips help you with dealing with negativity. If you can,
avoid the negativity and seek out positive friends, spend time around
positive people as much as you can, and do the things that make you
happy!</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">I
will finish with this awesome poem by Rudyard Kipling. Even though it
says “man” at the end, I think it applies to women also:</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">“<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><b>If”
by Rudyard Kipling.</b></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">If you can keep
your head when all about you <br />Are losing theirs and blaming it on
you; <br />If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, <br />But
make allowance for their doubting too; </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br />If you can wait and not be
tired by waiting, <br />Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, <br />Or,
being hated, don't give way to hating, <br />And yet don't look too
good, nor talk too wise; </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"> </span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">If you can dream
- and not make dreams your master; <br />If you can think - and not
make thoughts your aim; <br />If you can meet with triumph and disaster
<br />And treat those two imposters just the same; </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br />If you can bear
to hear the truth you've spoken <br />Twisted by knaves to make a trap
for fools, <br />Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, <br />And
stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools; </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"> </span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">If you can make
one heap of all your winnings <br />And risk it on one turn of
pitch-and-toss, <br />And lose, and start again at your beginnings <br />And
never breath a word about your loss; </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br />If you can force your heart
and nerve and sinew <br />To serve your turn long after they are gone,
<br />And so hold on when there is nothing in you <br />Except the Will
which says to them: "Hold on"; </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"> </span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">If you can talk
with crowds and keep your virtue, <br />Or walk with kings - nor lose
the common touch; <br />If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt
you; <br />If all men count with you, but none too much; </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br />If you can
fill the unforgiving minute <br />With sixty seconds' worth of distance
run - <br />Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, <br />And -
which is more - you'll be a Man my son! </span>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Got
any tips or stories? Got any questions? Please hit reply with a
comment. :)</span></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16208321380682600396noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8881968824873550300.post-1454670512058719672013-02-27T13:25:00.001+10:302013-02-27T13:25:21.921+10:30About my book - raising our children with the necessary life skills they need to be happy, successful adults.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFEsk1Lel48J3P53S-AYoHiKqo__WiAvXr8MYXyl33Vhqc2qNqFSLo8ARvkATZUDi-PUgzdtTxKBkSkmO5rrkZcs2jzRMg4bkrMnbMKRfdMUd4PIm6nHN68DvepH72hZdJG1KRD5_lmwvT/s1600/527.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="125" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFEsk1Lel48J3P53S-AYoHiKqo__WiAvXr8MYXyl33Vhqc2qNqFSLo8ARvkATZUDi-PUgzdtTxKBkSkmO5rrkZcs2jzRMg4bkrMnbMKRfdMUd4PIm6nHN68DvepH72hZdJG1KRD5_lmwvT/s200/527.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
We see in the world today, so many people that are struggling with their lives. They are struggling with money, relationships, emotional problems, weight, purpose etc...<br /><br />They need life coaching, life coaching is so needed today. And it is a lot of work turning your life around (although its definitely worth it!)<br /><br />But... what if, as children, we learned all these skills. When we were children, we were hard-wired to think the way we think. The experience we had as children taught us to think and act the way we do today.<br /><br />It is too late for us to change our past (although you can change your life now), but you can give your children a fantastic start to theirs!<br /><br />"If we are to reach real peace in this world ... we shall have to begin with the children." - Gandhi<br /><br />Yes, mothers (and fathers, and all of society) have the power to change the world, by changing how we raise our kids.<br /><br />Most parents wing it. They automatically raise their kids the way their parents raised them. And nothing ever changes. We accept the way our lives are, as "normal". You have a choice - to raise your kids consciously.<br /><br />"our most significant and serious problems, both personal and societal, have their roots in our homes, and that parenting, when it is pursued seriously and thoughtfully, is not only life’s most important career, but its most joyful and fulfilling career." ~ Linda J. Eyre<br /><br />In the book I will show how a child thinks at various stages of their life, and the most effective ways of teaching them at each stage, according to their level of understanding. I will show you 10 core life skills that you can teach your child and how. Your child wont be learning these at school. With these skills your child will grow up happy, successful, and may never need life coaching! Imagine that! Your child will never need life coaching, because they will automatically have these skills that you have programmed into them!<br /><br />Well I hope you look forward to the book, it will be worth the wait! I will keep you updated and write more soon. Subscribe to this blog or my email newsletter to keep updated.<br /><br /><br />Do you have any questions?<br /><br />In the mean time, is there any questions you have, or issues you need help with? Please ask away, I will respond as soon as I can and I may write an article about it.<br /><br /><br />Thank you to my readers!<br />I really value you! I really value mothers and anyone caring for children. You are doing the most important job in the world and I am passionate about helping you.<br />Please forward to any mothers you may know that could benefit from this information, thank you!<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16208321380682600396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8881968824873550300.post-36010076152228879852012-05-28T23:24:00.000+09:302016-03-07T13:58:09.224+10:30How to avoid getting angry at your kids – 4 tips.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5lsrj63V8jwDF_H-EqEFzIoHGDp2hHG-IMLuHBe-xQMPIrxzvoFGUO8rqZuimuwvK1FEQzsjCO3bq9clB1sS9WO7wRqLoJy2qvIltnSAS4Kb6LVC5v6w1Q-VrlC5jzXO8c4qywV4Abz-J/s1600/kapasiena.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="111" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5lsrj63V8jwDF_H-EqEFzIoHGDp2hHG-IMLuHBe-xQMPIrxzvoFGUO8rqZuimuwvK1FEQzsjCO3bq9clB1sS9WO7wRqLoJy2qvIltnSAS4Kb6LVC5v6w1Q-VrlC5jzXO8c4qywV4Abz-J/s1600/kapasiena.JPG" width="200" /></a></div>
Being a mum is hard. I know, I have four children! It's a lot of work, and it's easy to get stressed out sometimes, and get angry at them. If you do get angry at your children, you are not alone. I don't know any parents who have never lost their temper. But we know anger isn't good for our children, so here are four tips to help you keep your cool.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-style: normal;">1.
Check what you are </span><i>really</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
angry about:</span></b></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sometimes we are
already angry about something else in our life, and the kids pick up
on this and they feel anxiety because of it. Then they behave badly
because of their anxiety. Then we overreact because we were already
angry to start with. It turns into a bad cycle, and it is not fair
on the kids because it is not their fault and they may feel it is
their fault. This is what you have to do: First deal with the thing
that is really making you angry. If you can't deal with it straight
away, decide to deal with it at a later time (like when the kids are
at school, or they are asleep). Don't let it ruin your time with
your kids. If you do slip and get angry at the kids, apologise to
them, and let them know it wasn't their fault. It is good for them
to learn how to apologise when they make mistakes, because they learn
through modeling your behavior.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-style: normal;">2.
</span><i>Expect</i> and <i>Accept</i> that kids will be kids:</b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Usually when we get angry at our kids
behavior, it is because we expected better from them. But it is in a
child's nature to explore, experiment and push their boundaries. It
is how they learn and grow. So you must expect mess, chaos and
noise! That is just how kids are, it is reality. Once you have
accepted that you can look at ways to prevent and minimise the chaos,
and deal with it when it inevitably happens!</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
If you are a new mother, you may have
expected to continue the same type of lifestyle you had before you
had kids. Maybe you are now frustrated that you cant live that way anymore. It can be easy to get caught up
in stress and despair at this new life you now have, being a mother,
and not knowing how to cope. Becoming a mother is like being thrown
in the deep end of a swimming pool, nothing can prepare you. The
sooner you accept the new changes in your life and swim, the better.
Being a mother doesn't mean your life is over, it is the start of a
new <i>different</i> life. Being a mother can be an amazing, fun and
fulfilling journey... so embrace it!</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>3. Prevention:</b></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Do what you can to
prevent meltdowns. If you know what is triggering the children's
behavior, or what is triggering your anger, you can take steps to
prevent it. For example if the children are always fighting, you
could teach them how to share by taking turns, or offer rewards or
praise when they are playing nicely. If the children are tired
and grumpy around dinner time, preventing you from cooking, maybe you
could prepare dinner earlier in the day, or change the kids bedtime
routine.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Keeping a routine
helps, children are more content and settled with a routine. It is
also good for you because not being organised leads to stress.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Remember if you
feel calm and happy – your kids will feel better too. Good and bad
moods are contagious!</div>
<div style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Have
some clear rules and discipline strategies. Be prepared by deciding
how you will deal with your child's behavior before it happens again.</span></div>
<div style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>4. Deal with your emotions:</b></div>
<div style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Find ways to calm
down:</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
When you are feeling stressed, take deep, slow breaths, count
to 10. Try to relax and be patient. Look after yourself, and don't take on too much work. Try exercising, it will help you feel calmer. Putting on some
music is also good to change the mood to a happy one. I like taking
my kids out to the park, sometimes getting out of the house helps.<br />
Never punish your kids while you are
angry. When you are angry, you are not thinking straight, and you may say or do things that you will regret. Instead, tell them:
“I'll think about your punishment”, then take some time to cool down and gather your
self. </div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Change your
self-talk:</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Your self-talk is
all those random thoughts that pop up in your mind. If they are
negative thoughts, they are making you feel angry, depressed and
frustrated. Here's how to change these thought patterns into
positive ones: Get a notepad and draw a line down the center. Write
the negative thoughts on one side. Go through the negative
statements and write positive statements on the other side of the
paper. Here's an example: “My kids are so annoying! I really
need a break!” Change it to: “I'm blessed to have these
beautiful, amazing children in my life. I am enjoying this short
time with them while they are still young.” After you're done,
read the positive statements everyday, morning and night. Read them
with full belief and emotion as if they are true. These positive
affirmations will become true, they will change how you feel very
quickly.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I hope these tips
help you. Please leave a comment if you have any other tips,
questions or comments on “anger management”! Thanks :)</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16208321380682600396noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8881968824873550300.post-3428748860067343662012-03-29T00:04:00.000+10:302016-03-07T10:45:09.169+10:30Consequences – Do what works!<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifTMg-GVy6GXNNVRrbMwPVPEbqm3yUt2FFZedjrjJ6H0CY88-9isxk4buV6O4a0YtK0JM1zR4rlJKJ6OPAt0yW14qswFj53E505AcD3gA0PF3QMX3s8njNVpK6CVaoYdxSjQWB_-EVF7vd/s1600/time+out.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifTMg-GVy6GXNNVRrbMwPVPEbqm3yUt2FFZedjrjJ6H0CY88-9isxk4buV6O4a0YtK0JM1zR4rlJKJ6OPAt0yW14qswFj53E505AcD3gA0PF3QMX3s8njNVpK6CVaoYdxSjQWB_-EVF7vd/s200/time+out.jpg" width="150" /></a></div>
Consequences – Do what works!</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Picture this: A frazzled mum with 4 kids running around her, yelling, jumping and making a mess! That mum is me on my bad days! Hehe :) . I realized recently that I need to change my tactics...again! The way I've been disciplining my children isn't working anymore, they are growing up. My oldest is almost 9 yrs. The things that work with toddlers may not work with older school-age children. And I know they are going to be teenagers before too long. Time flies! This is cliche but true: they grow up so fast!</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
My son just broke my daughters eraser, it was a new one she bought herself for $3. I tried my usual discipline method of explaining to him that it was wrong and getting him to apologize to her, then giving him time-out... the whole time I was doing this he wasn't really listening to me... and I could see he wasn't learning anything. I then told him he has to give her $3 so she can buy a new one. Then he cried a lot! And gave her the $3. He hasn't broken anything since then.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
So my point is: if the consequences you are giving them aren't working, try something else. All kids have their unique personalities as well so you may have to experiment trying different things.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
From my experience, yelling and smacking and lecturing doesn't work. When you do these things, you are setting a bad example (Kids will more likely copy what you do, than copy what you say). When you yell and get emotional this also gives them the message that you are not in control and makes them feel either uneasy or scared or they will just respect you less. Kids have a tendency to mirror your stress, they play up more when you are stressed.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I try to save yelling for emergency situations, for example, if my child ran onto the road. I find they are more likely to pay attention to me because it is unusual for them to hear me yell like that! And you really want them to pay attention in a situation like that.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Some consequences that you could try:</b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
- Time-out</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
- Taking away privileges (eg: T.V., computer, game station time, cellphone)</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
- Making them pay for stuff they break</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
- Making them clean up their mess</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
- Making them apologize</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
- Give them extra chores</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
When you are disciplining them, do so from a place of compassion and understanding. Don't go to war with them. Calmly set them clear, firm boundaries, from a place of love and respect.<br />
<br />
<i>"A person's a person, no matter how small" ~ Dr Suess </i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Prevention is better than cure</b><br />
Make sure all your child's needs are getting met. If they are not – he/she will misbehave more. Obviously they need physical things like regular meals, sleep and a routine, but they also need to know that they are loved and cherished, and need to be praised when they get things right. Try to think of <i>why</i> they are behaving that way and try to remedy the cause.<br />
<br />
<b>Reward them for good behavior</b><br />
Catch them behaving well and let them know they are doing well. Kids want to please us, and kids want our attention. So give them positive attention when they are good. Star charts are good for younger children.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Best of luck with your kids, and please leave any comments or questions below :)</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16208321380682600396noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8881968824873550300.post-42953570182309584762012-03-10T00:57:00.001+10:302016-03-07T10:41:29.900+10:30Mothers are Powerful!<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Mothers are Powerful!</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Do you know how powerful you are? Love is powerful, especially the love of a mother for her child! Becoming a mother makes you grow stronger. Mothers will do things for their child, that they thought they could never do. Mothers will go to great lengths to keep their children safe... </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
In Georgia, a teenage boy got trapped under his car, when his jack failed. His mother, lifted the car, weighing approximately 3,500 pounds, and held it up for 5 minutes until help came!</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
In Ivujivik, Canada, a mother saw a large polar bear heading toward her 7yr old boy and his 2 friends. Without a thought, she ran to the bear and wrestled it to the ground! The bear was approximately 8 feet tall and 700 pounds!</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
These are true stories, there are many more like this. I've heard it said that the most dangerous place to be is between a mum and her child. A mothers instinct is to protect her child no matter what. This instinct gives her strength beyond normal. You can use this strength as a source of power! It can conquer your fears!</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
My motherly instinct helped me to get over my fear of talking to new people. I knew for my children's sake I had to get past this fear to build a good life for my kids. There have also been many times when I've spoken up for my children when normally I would be too afraid to say anything.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Do you have any irrational fears? Irrational fears are fears that don't benefit us, for example - afraid of heights, tight spaces, public speaking etc. You can conquer your fear, your strength as a mother may help you get past these fears. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Some mothers are driven by their love for their children to do extraordinary things, or achieve great successes. What things would you like to achieve for yourself and your children?</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
All that we go through as mums, makes us grow into a stronger person. Do you remember what you were like before you had your child/children? No doubt having a baby turned your life upside down, and also made you grow as a person. You are powerful! You have the strength inside you to build a great life for yourself and your children. Once you believe it - you can achieve it!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Please leave me a comment below : )<br />
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16208321380682600396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8881968824873550300.post-90457608377164838922012-02-17T12:22:00.000+10:302012-02-24T23:56:18.525+10:30Free e-book now available!Free e-book "Life Coaching for Mothers" is now available, just click <a href="http://www.lifecoachingformothers.com/Sign_Me_Up_.html">here</a> to sign up :)<br />
Let me know what you think, thanks :)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16208321380682600396noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8881968824873550300.post-51415266865027224052012-01-17T22:31:00.000+10:302012-01-17T22:31:00.616+10:30My Facebook pagePlease go and check out my facebook page: <a href="http://www.facebook.com/lifecoachingformothers">http://www.facebook.com/lifecoachingformothers</a><br />
and click on "Like" to help spread the news of my free E-book, to help mums everywhere. <i>Thanks!</i> :-)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16208321380682600396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8881968824873550300.post-25756423055400383092012-01-17T22:23:00.000+10:302012-01-17T22:23:54.049+10:30Hi!Hi! :)<br />
I am Melissa Magnus, certified Life Coach, certified NLP Practitioner, and experienced mum of 4 children.<br />
I will be adding articles regularly to help and encourage mothers.<br />
I will also post again soon with the link for my free E-book, "Life Coaching for Mothers".<br />
Please leave comments, questions and suggestions for me, I would love to hear what you think! Thanks :)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16208321380682600396noreply@blogger.com0